Sunday, December 2, 2012

2012 December update

It's been a long while since I've posted anything on here.  Most days go by and I try to keep myself busy with things... having 3 kids still here is a lot of work and helps to keep me numb.  I know that sounds horrible, but at times it's the only way to get through the day.  I do find joy in each day.  The kids make me laugh and we still talk about Oliver.  I want them to remember him.  It's hard because you don't want to make an altar to a child that has passed, but you also don't want your kids to forget him.  I have photos up of him because that is the only way I see him now.  He doesn't come through the front door after school anymore or walk in the kitchen and ask what we are having for dinner.  His pictures are a visual reminder for me and everyone that enters my home that he lived and that he is still here in spirit.

The other day Ed and I went to see the movie 'Lincoln' in the theater and Abe and Mary were arguing over the death of one of their sons and talking about grief.  Abraham said that he wanted to crawl into the ground with his son's casket.  I just started sobbing.  I knew that feeling too well and it was only 9 months since his death.  Too soon... still so raw.  I just couldn't stop crying.  You just never know when it's going to hit.

Oliver keeps sending me signs in the shape of hearts.  Some may just laugh them away, but I truly think they are from him and not just here by accident.  It helps me, so who cares how it got there... I suppose.  There have been more kids dying each day from DIPG and it makes me sick to my stomach.  I decorated Ollie's grave for Halloween and now Christmas and it makes me sick to think that most people are out buying their child a costume or a gift and I'm picking out things to take to my son's grave.  I don't think it will ever feel right.

I need to start updating more.  I'm still playing catchup with tons of pictures... so keep checking back.
Thank you for still thinking of us and praying for us.  I know Ollie is around, although I physically can't see or feel him.  He's still here watching over us.

6 comments:

Krista said...

I loved this post Stacy. I check every day to see if you post something. Sometimes the kids and I sit at the computer and look through pictures of Ollie and Eden and them as they were growing up. We watch the DVD I made for Ollie and it is so hard to comprehend that a part of our past will not be i our imediate future.The pictures are good...it keeps him close to our hearts. We love and miss him too. Big hugs and loves to all of you!

Kendra F said...

Much love Stacy I think about Oliver everyday. ♥

Carrie said...

There is not a doubt in my mind that those are signs from Ollie. I think of you, Ed and the kids everyday and you are always in my prayers. I cannot say I know your pain, cause I don't. It's something I don't think unless you have been there you can even imagine that pain.You are a wonderful mother, and friend. Oliver will never ever be forgotten

ANGELA ANGELO said...

I DO NOT KNOW YOU PERSONALLY, BUT YOUR STORY HAS TOUCHED MY HEART! WHEN I LOOK AT ALL OF THE PICS OF OLLIE, I PRAY FOR YOU ALL TO FEEL HIS COMFORT AND LOVE ALONG WITH GODS! WHEN YOU ARE FEELING LOW OR QUESTIONING THINGS, LOOK TO GOD FOR COMFORT. YOU ARE A WONDERFUL MOM AND OLLIE WAS BLESSED TO HAVE YOU IN HIS LIFE! TAKE CARE AND ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU HAVE FRIENDS YOU DONT EVEN KNOW WHO PRAY AND CARE ABOUT YOU ALL <3 ANGELA in Illinois

The Breckons said...

Thanks for the update! I often think about you and pray for you.

Stacy Ocampo said...

He was a beautiful little boy. God bless your family. My heart aches for your loss. He must have been a strong and brave little one.