Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Life is Hard...

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

I'm so behind in blogging because I just haven't felt like posting. I've been extremely depressed and there have been many things going on in my life that are just destroying me. I can't believe how cruel and heartless people can be. I just can't. I can't get into what is going on in my life, but I will say that I've never felt so alone in my life. I just wish people would see what they are doing. Everyone says that someday I will understand why all of this is happening, but right now... I just wish it would all end. I wish people could see what they are doing. Life is hard enough dealing with the fact that my firstborn child is dying. He is most likely going to die. DO PEOPLE NOT UNDERSTAND THIS?!?! Why can't people get over themselves and realize that they are just adding to my misery and they are not just affecting me, but my family and Oliver as well. I am miserable right now and I can't just fake a smile for everyone else's benefit. I feel so lost... so alone...

I'm sick of everyone feeling like they have to fix me. Can't I just be sad??? LET ME BE SAD!!! LET ME BE OUT OF CONTROL!!! LET ME SCREAM AND CRY!!! You don't have to fix me! I'm not going to "keep a smile on my face when I have every right to lose it". That's exactly it... I DO have EVERY right to lose it and don't judge me until you have walked in my shoes!!! Most people have NO IDEA what is happening in my life. I'm human. I make mistakes, but I also mean what I say and when I've had enough crap to deal with I will stick up for myself. I love my family and the few true friends that I have. I have many trials right now... many struggles that people will NEVER understand unless you've been in my shoes so STOP TRYING TO FIX ME!

It's amazing what else happens when you get this type of news. People come out of the woodwork and want to know everything that is happening and for the most part... people are genuinely concerned, but there are others out there who want to get the hottest scoop and be the bearers of others misfortunes and that is just sick. I can't believe what people are capable of and how they are blinded... absolutely blinded. I started this blog to keep people posted on Oliver and his health, but I never dreamed that people would use his illness to make themselves feel important. It just makes me ill. It's a hard journey... one I would never wish on my worst enemy. Life is a hard journey I must say. When you feel like you can't possibly handle one more thing... something else comes crashing down and challenges you to the very core. I seriously don't know how much more I can handle...

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

4th of July Celebration

July 3, 2010 - We celebrated the 4th at my Dad's house in Waterloo. Ollie was asked to help with the fireworks display in the back yard this year. How cool is that?! We all had a good time playing games, swimming, grilling and watching the fireworks!

*Baseball, Football, Horseshoes*

Playing catch with Grandpa Boardsen

Oliver and Kaj

Jaren and Grandpa playing football

Oliver playing horseshoes

LOVE this face!

Oliver and his little brother, Jare Bear

*Setting up the fireworks*

Andy and Ollie

LOVE those dimples!





I hardly have any other pics of Eden from today because she was in the pool
THE WHOLE TIME!!! My little fishy!

Sweet Mr. Finny

Ready for the fireworks. BRING IT ON!


Jaren and Remy wrestling downstairs

"Ta-da... nipples!" - Ollie used to say this when he was two years old! ;o)

*Lighting up the sky*

Oliver looking studly as always

VIDEO: You can see Ollie a little on the bottom right hand corner with only his swimming trunks on. He's running the switchboard for the fireworks!

Ollie and Andy. Thanks, Andy, for letting him help you with this! What a fun night!!!

July 2010 - Petting Zoo with Bry and Gram

Today my mom and brother, Bryan, joined us for a day of fun outside. First we went to the arboretum and then we happened upon the petting zoo. The kids were so excited to see the animals and get to feed them. Lots of animals were pretty tame and the kids could get close to them without the animal running away. I can tell the kiddos had fun. I LOVE looking back through my pictures to see all the smiles on everyone's faces... even on some of the animal's faces!!

Ollie laughing at all the rabbits he's trying to feed with a single carrot!

Eden feeding a cute bunny.

Jaren holding a kitty cat. Later on he'll be having a date with his nebulizer for a breathing treatment. Oh, but these kids love animals despite their crazy allergies!

"What's up Shrek?!"

Love Eden backing away from the unpredictable llama!

I LOVE llama grins!!!

"What are ya eatin'?!"

Follow the leader........

Ollie feeding this bunny. He was so calm and sweet.

Bear feeding the bunny.

The kids LOVED getting to be so close to the rabbits!

Love the depth in Finny's eyes. I wonder what he's thinkin' about!

Mom and Jare Bear

Finny and Bear

Ollie getting tired of walking so he hopped on Uncle Bry's back for a ride!

Uncle Bryan and Phineas

Eclipse Girls night

June 30, 2010 - Midnight showing of "Eclipse" the third installment in the Twilight Saga.

We have 'Team Edward', 'Team Jacob', and 'Team Jacward'... for those who are undecided!

We had so much fun getting sparklafied, answering trivia and re-enacting scenes with Edward and my make-shift Jacob barbies, actually Eden's barbies... not mine! I'm sure people thought we were nuts! Oh... so much crazy fun!

My friend Amy and I even got bit by Edward... some bite mark tattoos... ;o)

We had such a fun time!!! Can't wait until 'Breaking Dawn' comes out!!!