Sunday, September 19, 2010


I can't sleep. My mind just keeps racing. I have a sick feeling in my stomach every time I think about what is happening in my life right now. It's frustrating when it feels like no one cares, even friends who you thought would be there and now are nowhere to be found. I know life doesn't stop for others just because of what I'm going through, but it would be nice to feel like people cared. It's like I've fallen off the face of the planet.

I feel like I'm drowning and people are just standing on the shore watching me struggle. Most days I can keep myself busy and try not to think about how I'm truly feeling, but when the day ends and I can't seem to fall asleep that is when the thoughts creep in. I find that I'm becoming more hard-hearted toward people and I don't want to be. I wish that life could just go back to the way it was. I had my few close friends that I could stop by unannounced and chat for hours or go out with to unwind when life was getting to be stressful. I want my comfort zone back. I want my fun friends back. I want to hang out again and laugh and forget about the days problems. Yes, I can talk about things with my counselor, but it's just not the same as hanging out with a close friend.

I just feel so disconnected from the outside world. I used to go out for girl's nights all the time and hang out, but now I feel like a hermit being home every single day. I'm being pulled in so many directions and trying to fill everyone else's needs that mine are never being met. I have no time for myself which is starting to wear me down.


meghan said...

I am sorry that you are feeling so isolated. I understand a little. I miss all of our fun girls nights and late night chats. Hopefully I will be able to come and visit soon and maybe we can relive some glorious girl nights!! I am always thinking of you, even if I am not there as much.
ps. sorry about the other day on the phone. My cell battery died.

Anonymous said...

If you need a friend you can always give me a call. Honestly I stay home most days and worry about things that don't even matter compared to what you are going through. If you need someone I'm there.
240-9266 Carrie

smiliesar said...

I'm so sorry you are feeling left out. I hope one or some of your friends will read this and know to call you the next time they are heading out. Maybe they are thinking you would rather spend all your time at home while you can without realizing you do need a break. Maybe you could set up a girl's night and call on your friends to go out too. HUGS!!!

Barb said...

Hi Stacy. I am so sorry that you are feeling down and abandoned. Know that you are very loved by so many people. Blogging seems to help me with down times. I can't pretend to know what you are going through but I understand what you are feeling.
<3 and Hugs.

Andrea said...

Hi Stacy! I love you and think of you daily! Please know that you can call me whenever you need to! I honestly don't know when to call or get a hold of you because I don't want to be a bother with all that you have going on. However, I know we need to get friends together and just laugh! I miss you terribly!
I also had a friend, Denise, email me and wanted to let you know how many strangers are thinking about you and caring for all of you every day!
Lots of love is surrounding you and I hope that we can get together soon!!

Shana Whipple said...

Hey Sister! I hate what you are going through right now. It just sucks. I think of you daily. I do a horrible job of staying in touch and I apologize for that. I love you and wish that I were closer to give you a big hug and then "send out the vibe" with you. You are such a rock star and you are doing an AMAZING job with handling all that's going on. I'm here if you ever want to shoot the bull! I love your guts! Hang tough!

Anonymous said...

I do not know you nor do you know me but I happened upon your blog today and enjoyed reading about your precious family. I personally have not gone through what your are experiencing but have stood along side a friend who has. I teach children with Special Needs so I stand along side these failies as well. I do believe in the power of prayer and know that God will pick us up and carry us through when we do not feel like we can take another step. Please know that I will be praying for you and your family daily. I pray also for a miracle for your son Oliver.