Friday, June 18, 2010

Baseball - Game 2

Thursday, June 17, 2010 - Braves vs. Mets

Tonight was a difficult night. It was a night that I had hoped would not come, but tried to prepare for. Ollie used to love baseball and during tonights game, through sobs, he told me he hated it. He hates it now because he just can't do what he used to do. He feels like he's losing the game for the team. He gets more frustrated now than ever before and he cries at the drop of a hat. Although I know that it's the brain tumor and not Oliver, it still is hard to watch him struggle. He seemed to be doing well for a while. He would run out to his position in the outfield with a noticeable limp, but he would try and hustle anyways. Up to bat was a bit difficult and frustrating for him if he struck out, but he handled it fairly well, he even ran around the bases and was batted in, although you could tell he was having a difficult time running as well as breathing. He got back into the dugout, still smiling after running home, and took a few puffs of his inhaler.

Next he was in the outfield and the ball finally made it to the out there. He ran to the ball and threw it to the infield which didn't even make it past the grass. He still kept it together and hustled back in after the inning was done. The next time he'd gotten on base, he was running to second, his helmet fell off which I know flustered him and he tripped over second base. He was out before he made it there, but I know that he felt like it was his fault. I didn't realize that he was sobbing all the way back to the dugout until he was halfway there. I just wanted to scoop him up in my arms and kiss it all away. His teammates didn't know why he was crying (I told them later) and at that time I didn't know either. He was just beside himself and said that he hated baseball. He said that he wished he didn't have cancer. Then, I quietly sobbed as I was sitting next to him in the dugout. Ed had come in as well and we were both telling him that it was okay and we were proud of him for getting out there and even trying. Doug, one of his coaches, came over and told him that he was doing great and that we lose as a team or we win as a team. He has so much spirit and love for the game, but now... it's just too much to handle for him. Too much for a little boy to deal with.

Most people don't know what he's dealing with, that his left side is weak and that he's throwing with his non-dominant hand and runs with a limp now. They can see the eye patch, but still don't know why he's wearing it. It's so hard seeing him struggle and not be able to do anything about it. His coaches are great and they want him to feel comfortable and have fun. They said that he could do whatever he wanted, even if it meant being an honorary coach. I think it may be hard for him to watch the game knowing that he can't play anymore. He just wants to quit and go fishing instead. Ed and I said that we were proud of him for trying. He may go to practice on Saturday and we'll see after that. I don't want to make him do anything that he doesn't feel like doing. I just don't know what else I can do for him except be there for him and comfort him. Some days are just so hard.


meghan said...

OH Stacy. This post was heartbreaking. I am sure it is so hard to watch him want to do something he loves so much and not have any solution to help him. He is such a sweet boy. We always pray for him and for your family. I hope that whatever he decides about baseball that he finds something he really enjoys. Love Ya.

Pieper'sPepper Patch said...

And Stacy your doing what he needs most. Hugs. I miss seeing you guys. I know the days are difficult. But I know strength and love as you treasure each moment with him. There is a blessing hidden amongst the heartache, you all are making the moments in life count. Where many of us pass by the precious moments and don't realize the miracle of each. Okay hopefully that made sense.

Frisbies Forever said...

So many things to think about! Heartbreaking. We love you guys! So proud of you Ollie! Crying right along with you!

Hartson family said...

Thanks Stacy for sharing Ollie's plight. I know it must be hard, but it not only helps you by providing an outlet, it helps us to understand your trial. I know you are making the best possible choices for him- don't let anyone let you feel differently. I love you girly- stay strong!

Megan said...

I am so sorry Stacey. I wept reading your post and knowing of your sorrow. We are praying for sweet Ollie and your dear family.

-- Megan Frederich

Michelle - Proud Mommy of Ethan - DPG Warrior said...

I just wanted to let you know that Ollie and your family are in my thoughts and prayers today. My son Ethan passed away from DIPG on January 28, 2010. He too loved baseball. Reading your journal entry brought back so many emotions for me. Ethan's last game of fall ball his symptoms were returning and he was trying to pitch. His pitches were all over the place. It was then that he admitted that the double vision was back. Ollie will remain in my prayers.

With Love and Understanding,

Michelle - Proud Mommy of Angel ^^Ethan^^ ~Forever 8~

Barb said...

Stacy, Ollie is such a brave little guy. You are such a good momma. Your hugs and the encouragement he gets from you and Ed and your family are what he needs the most. <3