I'm so behind in blogging because I just haven't felt like posting. I've been extremely depressed and there have been many things going on in my life that are just destroying me. I can't believe how cruel and heartless people can be. I just can't. I can't get into what is going on in my life, but I will say that I've never felt so alone in my life. I just wish people would see what they are doing. Everyone says that someday I will understand why all of this is happening, but right now... I just wish it would all end. I wish people could see what they are doing. Life is hard enough dealing with the fact that my firstborn child is dying. He is most likely going to die. DO PEOPLE NOT UNDERSTAND THIS?!?! Why can't people get over themselves and realize that they are just adding to my misery and they are not just affecting me, but my family and Oliver as well. I am miserable right now and I can't just fake a smile for everyone else's benefit. I feel so lost... so alone...
I'm sick of everyone feeling like they have to fix me. Can't I just be sad??? LET ME BE SAD!!! LET ME BE OUT OF CONTROL!!! LET ME SCREAM AND CRY!!! You don't have to fix me! I'm not going to "keep a smile on my face when I have every right to lose it". That's exactly it... I DO have EVERY right to lose it and don't judge me until you have walked in my shoes!!! Most people have NO IDEA what is happening in my life. I'm human. I make mistakes, but I also mean what I say and when I've had enough crap to deal with I will stick up for myself. I love my family and the few true friends that I have. I have many trials right now... many struggles that people will NEVER understand unless you've been in my shoes so STOP TRYING TO FIX ME!
It's amazing what else happens when you get this type of news. People come out of the woodwork and want to know everything that is happening and for the most part... people are genuinely concerned, but there are others out there who want to get the hottest scoop and be the bearers of others misfortunes and that is just sick. I can't believe what people are capable of and how they are blinded... absolutely blinded. I started this blog to keep people posted on Oliver and his health, but I never dreamed that people would use his illness to make themselves feel important. It just makes me ill. It's a hard journey... one I would never wish on my worst enemy. Life is a hard journey I must say. When you feel like you can't possibly handle one more thing... something else comes crashing down and challenges you to the very core. I seriously don't know how much more I can handle...