August 30, 2011
Well, Oliver's MRI that was originally scheduled for September 14th has been moved up to tomorrow. The increase in symptoms has worried us tremendously. Who knows what tomorrow will bring. I pray for good news, but expect the worst. I expect to hear that the tumor has grown. The dreaded word... 'progression'... something I never want to hear in regards to this horrid disease that has embedded itself in my child's brain. My stomach is churning right now and we aren't going down to Iowa City until tomorrow. His MRI is scheduled for 11:05 am tomorrow. Please keep Oliver in your prayers. PLEASE pray that his tumor has NOT grown. Pray for a complete healing. I KNOW that Heavenly Father can heal him if it is HIS will. It doesn't matter WHAT we do here because He is ultimately in charge. Although I struggle at times with my faith... that is something that I truly feel. I don't know if I'm angry at the idea of not being able to be in charge, to not be able to do anything for Oliver. It is NOT in MY hands. It is NOT in the DOCTOR'S hands. It is NOT in OLIVER'S hands. It is in Heavenly Father's hands. Although I know that, I am still so saddened and angry because I just don't know WHY yet. Knowing this doesn't take the pain away. I get so frustrated when I hear "You just need to have faith and he'll be healed" or "My child BEAT this disease" as if their fate lies in our hands. The kids who are survivors aren't STRONGER or MORE IMPORTANT than the children that have passed. It was just Heavenly Father's will. You may have faith that they will be healed, but it isn't because of your faith. It was just Heavenly Father's will. Anyways... just had to get that off my chest.
I've been following MANY blogs about other kids and their families' journeys with DIPG. We are all at different stages. Just tonight I've read a blog about a mother grieving after her daughter's passing 11 days ago and how difficult it's been to go through her things, a blog about a little girl passing just tonight and a blog about a little boy struggling with skin irritation and pain because of medicine and this disease. This young boy, Caleb, was diagnosed one month after Ollie so I've been following his blog from the beginning. He's had a second round of radiation and his health is declining. Oliver has his MRI to see if his tumor is growing. As I'm typing this another child will be diagnosed, another child admitted to Hospice, another child showing the first signs of this disease while their parents are completely unaware. It just makes me sick to think about.
Again, please pray for good news...